Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
