he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
