We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
