It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
