end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
