She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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