'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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