i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
