yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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