idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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