he shaved USA in his pubs
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
