when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
