if you like me you must not know who I am
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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