Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
