i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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