Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
