I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
