She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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