Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
