having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
