I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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