Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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