I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
