You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
