he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
