I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
