My sheets look like a crime scene.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
