My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
