Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
