you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
