On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
