Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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