Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
