my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I met the friendliest cop last night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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