I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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