He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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