no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
