This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
