That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
