A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
