Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
