hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
