Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
