im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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