I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM VODKA MAN
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
