I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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