i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
