at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
