I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
