hotel room ftw
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
