Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
