Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
