whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
