There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
